Unveiling my secret to emotional resilience in love

Category

Conscious coupling

DATE

August 22 2023

Have you ever felt the lingering pain of a broken heart and wondered if true love is even possible? *pointing both index fingers at myself* Yup, that was me.

Oh, and that’s not all. Heartbreaks would hit me hard because I am a hopeful romantic.

When I’m in a relationship, I give it my all. I unabashedly express my passionate, affectionate side, and I prefer to love with my whole heart.

When facing the end of a relationship, it can take some time for me to pick up all the broken pieces, deal with the sadness of this newly formed void in my life, and mourn the death of the severed bond and the shattering of all the things we said we’d do together in the future. Facing the “no more ‘we’ and ‘together’ anymore”, and sitting with the “it’s just me… alone, again”. The effects of the heartbreak would linger for me because I felt so deeply in that connection. I would have to turn to anger and blame to shut down how I felt and cut off all contact just to move on.

But something changed…

How I recovered from my last breakup still brings me awe as I write about it today.

Developing emotional resilience

I was able to move on so much quicker than I did before even though that was the most deeply connected and best relationship I was in at the time. I was emotionally stronger. All those thoughts and feelings of blame, disappointment, hurt, doubts, shame, sadness, and anger (aka the whole plethora of emotions) didn’t cling to my mind and negatively spiral the same way as they used to. Surprisingly, I wasn’t averse to dating soon after either. Instead, there was more acceptance and gratitude for the situation. I actually felt more hope and optimism for what I wanted than I did before dating him. He showed me what was possible, and I knew I could have that and more in my next relationship and my life.

As I was more calm and centered on handling the breakup, I had my moments of “Whoa, this feels so different!” and “How was this possible?”

Then it dawned on me. What I did this time around after the breakup was that I turned to my love vision.

This made all the difference

My love vision encompasses the descriptions and details of what I truly desire in a relationship and the blueprint of what I need and want to feel happy, loved, and fulfilled in that love connection. Because of this clarity, I know what I want and I am consistently inspired by this extraordinary vision.

And as a part of my healing process, I reflected upon the relationship to see what went well, what could’ve been better, what I would’ve done differently, and what are the things I wanted to still have and didn’t want in my next relationship. After all that introspection, I took the time to review and revise my love vision to incorporate what I’ve learned.

But more importantly, my love vision gave me hope, confidence, and belief that if I could manifest a man who was so close to what I wrote down in my love vision, then I must be on the right track. What I wanted was not only possible but I could feel it in my heart that this dream relationship was on its way to me.

Instead of pining over the empty him-shape void and mourning the thoughts of what could’ve been, I focused my energy and attention on my love vision. All the dreadful thoughts transformed into optimistic ones.

And THAT was my eureka moment of “holy shit, this works!!” Not only the manifestation of him in my life, but also granting me the emotional resilience, hope, and direction of what I desire in a soulmate quality relationship.

Embracing hope again in dating

This is when I really embraced the pivot of my coaching niche into dating. Being the hopeful romantic, I want more people to experience and have the love they’ve always wanted. In this current world, so much hurt and pain and desire to control have been tied to love. Noooo!! Love shouldn’t be described as someone’s “ball and chain”. The feeling of a deeply connecting love is possible for anyone who wants it.

Whenever I hear about people’s woes of dating and relationships, oftentimes the first thing that comes to mind is “If you had your love vision, that would totally help you out right now!” You’d know what to do with clarity. You’d know how you’d want to be treated and set those boundaries for what’s not acceptable. You’d have more belief and trust in what you want is possible.

In other words, if you knew what kind of relationship you wanted, you’d be able to weed out your red flags or identify and address any concerning behaviors quicker. You wouldn’t accept or overlook what you’d consider poor or bad behavior that easily. You’d confidently be more upfront about what it is you’re looking for in a relationship rather than come up with self-defeating reasonings such as “Oh, I can’t ask or talk about that yet. I don’t want to scare them away.” Seriously, so lame! Why waste your valuable time with someone who isn’t on the same page as you or who you can be yourself with?

Oh, I’ve heard of a variety of excuses why. I’ve even used plenty of those myself back then. Honestly, it all comes down to a scarcity mindset and a belief of what you want isn’t possible.

Being direct with your desires is refreshing. You’re not beating around the bush. You’re not trying to manipulate someone into what you want. You’re not hoping that somehow they’ll magically turn into your Mr. or Mrs. Right. Mindgames can only get you so far. Plus, you don’t like it when someone does that to you, right? So why “lure” and “trap” someone with those same strategies? Isn’t being authentic so much easier and more enjoyable in a relationship?

What you want is possible

Through heartbreaks, I found my purpose and mission, which happen to be my own deepest desires, too. I believe there are other hopeful romantics out there who are also looking for love that is deep, meaningful, and healing. There’s enough pain in the world already, so let’s not perpetuate that any further. All the “bad” relationships you’ve seen in your own life or around you don’t have to be your reality either. Yes, let’s be the change we want to see in the world, and it all starts with us choosing to show up differently.

A fulfilling relationship isn't “perfect” when it ticks off all the boxes. It's about creating something real through a deep connection, understanding, and acceptance of each other. It does take work, but by building that strong foundation, you can have the love that understands, accepts, and celebrates you as you are.

So, are you ready for the love you've always wanted? Let's replace pain with joy, doubt with clarity, and longing with fulfillment. Join my free Vision Inking Sessions to create your love vision. Nope, this is not a webinar. It’s setting aside a dedicated time to define what love means to you and an open space to ask me any questions you have about the love vision process, dating, or relationships. (Yup, I’ll be working on mine alongside you, too.)

What you want is more than just a dream. It's about building something real and tangible. Come be a part of this, and you'll develop the vision that resonates with your deepest desires and guides you towards the meaningful connection you've been longing for.

 

Cheers to crafting a love story that's uniquely yours!

thoughtfullykat signature logo

 

 

Psst, the featured photo is by Cottonbros via pexels

Share on

About the author

Kat Nieh is a dating clarity coach who empowers singles and
those in the early stages of dating with the clarity and confidence
to build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship.

She has also published 3 books, is a best selling author, and has been featured on tv, podcasts, and media publications as a love expert.

Get her freebie "Find Your Soulmate Fast" here!

Kat Nieh is a dating clarity coach who empowers singles and those in the early stages of dating with the clarity and confidence to build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship.

She has also published 3 books, is a best selling author, and has been featured on tv, podcasts, and media publications as a love expert.

Get her freebie
"Find Your Soulmate Fast" here!

Share this on

P.S. Enjoying my content and looking for my newsletter? 
Join my Paper Plane inbox delivery service to get my latest posts, along with updates + event invitations, delivered straight into your inbox.

JOIN the delivery route