Conscious love + dating

Debunking the “happily ever after” myth

Hi, I'm         
Dating clarity coach
kat
I write and teach content
on CONSCIOUS LOVE+DATING,
and LIVING INTENTIONALLY.

Being with your soulmate means everything is just perfect, always easy, and an automatic “happily ever after” without much effort, right?

*LOUD BUZZER* Sorry, that isn't the full picture.

Fairy tales, movies, television, etc. often portray the ”right” relationship of the soulmate caliber with the “happily ever after” effect. We see the results of the happy couples and assume it was perfect to begin with. However, what it takes to create that “perfect” relationship isn’t as exciting to see on screen. Drama and conflict are what make us on-the-edge-of-the-seat excited and glued to the screen. The “mundane” little things that build a strong and healthy relationship don’t create that same effect.

The relationship you deeply desire is something you co-create, not manifest

What you manifest is being with the person who has a similar vision and is willing to build that life with you. That is the “right” person you’re looking for.

So how do you co-create your soulmate caliber relationship and your “happily ever after”? It takes time and intentional effort to do the following:

Fully commit to the relationship

By being all in the relationship, you will have the willingness to do whatever it takes to make it work. Having one foot out the door or keeping walls up to “protect” yourself won’t help you build that ideal relationship. When you have your guard up, you can't fully let that person in. When you keep thinking the grass is greener on the other side, you aren’t focusing on your own lawn.

Put in the intentional effort to nurture your relationship

There are no shortcuts. It doesn’t magically “just” happen. Sure, it could be easier to build your ideal relationship with one person compared to another, but it still requires BOTH of you to do the work. The grass can be greener on your side with continual nourishment and care.

Consciously choose your partner every day by making the decisions that consider your partner and prioritize your relationship as a whole.

  • What are small ways for you two to connect daily even when life feels chaotic and busy?
  • When can you both set aside dedicated time to spend quality time to deeply connect with each other?
  • What are things you can do to make life easier for each other?

Have the hard conversations and face challenges head on… together

Communication is so crucial in a relationship. Assumptions and expectations are communication saboteurs. Those need to be openly verbalized because your partner can’t read your mind, nor do they mean the same things to your partner as they do for you. Talk through and resolve the challenges together. One person shouldn’t shoulder all the responsibilities. You are a team, so work through things collabortively as a couple.

  • What are the conversations you've been avoiding?
  • What needs to be done to address the issues at hand?
  • How can you resolve the challenges together as a couple?
  • How do you create time to surface and address these issues before they snowball?

Be open and transparent with each other

Open yourself up to be fully seen, even when you don’t know how the other person will react. Be who you really are with each other. Share your dreams, wishes, fears, insecurities, and quirks. Whatever you’re hiding will eventually come out, so you might as well get it over with and reveal it sooner than later.

  • What is something you're scared to tell or show your partner?
  • How can you create a safe space to share openly and vulnerably?
  • What is required for you to drop your walls?
  • How do you surface and work through each other's baggage to solve deeper rooted issues?

In summary…

Your “happily ever after” doesn't just magically happen. It takes patience, intentional effort, vulnerability, and consistency to build that conscious relationship you desire. Trust is given but also strengthened through continually showing up. Love consists of all the little actions you take on a regular basis, not just verbally saying it or the occasional grand gestures. Respect, understanding, and compassion create a safe space for your relationship to thrive.

All this seems like a lot of work, but the rewards of having a deeply connected and supportive relationship are worth every bit of the effort you both put into it. Your results will compound upon each action you both continue to take, then notice how palpable your “right” relationship becomes.

Find the person who wants to build this with you.

After you both commit, co-create this relationship together.

Then treasure and do whatever it takes to make your relationship better and better over time.

 

Create what you want into existence.

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May 20, 2022

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SIGN UP for my Paper Plane inbox delivery service where I share personal, behind-the-scene stories of what inspired these topics weekly. You can view previous ones here: thoughtfullykat.com/signup

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Hi, I'm         
kat
Dating clarity coach
I write and teach content
on CONSCIOUS
LOVE+DATING, and
LIVING INTENTIONALLY.

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