The dark side of happy being single

The dark side of “I’m happy being single”

Category

Conscious coupling

DATE

March 7 2024

That emptiness. That void. That loneliness that’s always there.

These dark moments are often unspoken, but each can be felt deep in your heart.

“I'm happy being single.”

Those 4 seemingly empowering words often hide a tender heart that deeply wants love. It feels like it’s not possible. It’s too scary. It’s too late as you've missed your opportunity somehow.

Whenever the words “I’m happy being single” are said, I quietly hear the “…for now” whispered behind that smile. Sometimes, it seems like a forced response, as if you're trying to convince yourself that it will always be true.

That was me… twice! And that became a necessary part of my love journey to experience that complete, full embrace of singledom… but eventually, that seemingly carefree attitude fades as periods of loneliness seep in.

All those casual connections start losing their appeal as you observe others in happy relationships and living the life you've seen yourself in before.

That solitude also gets spotlighted heavily during the holidays and celebrations of big life events.

That partnerless void becomes unavoidable when family and friends pester you with questions like “Why are you still single?”, “Are you dating anyone?”, or “When are you going to get married?”

It’s a little better when it comes from a loving place, but worse when those conversations are laced with pity, judgment, and concern. Plus, if you're a woman, you also get that extra pang of annoyance and frustration when your biological clock gets mentioned, especially when you do want to have kids.

“I'm happy being single.”

Those 4 little words become a defensive mechanism, created to shoo away those conversations and those undesirable feels.

“It’s easier being single” or “I don’t want to give up my freedom” are all ways of putting up a wall around your heart that is still wounded from your past.

So you dive deeper into your work, your hobbies, improving physical health, or having a lively social life to avoid the thing you're scared of most⏤opening up your heart again and risk being vulnerable to someone new.

You might feel unworthy, undeserving, or unavailable for love.

A sense of failure or disappointment lingers, like the faint scent of smoke that gets lodged in your clothes by being exposed to it for too long.

The more delays, the more excuses, the more concerns, the longer it takes you to get back into the dating scene.

Oh, the dreaded modern dating scene… How exhausting, disheartening, frustrating, and seemingly hopeless it can feel with those fleeting or nonexistent connections.

You might dabble in casual relationships to build up your confidence again or because you feel like you have no better options.

…and we all know of those types who hurt others or shut out any deep emotional connection because they’re deeply hurt themselves.

Patience wears thin… again, and the thought of just staying single seems easier and more appealing once more.

Sure, some parts of life are simpler single, but you’re also missing out on the growth, support, collaboration, and joys that come from sharing life closely with a stable, loving partner.

You might then settle with someone just okay because you don’t want to be single anymore. You get to the point where someone, whomever that is, feels better than having no one.

Please don’t do that.

Please don’t accept these as your reality.

Please don’t think that these are your only options.

Please stop beating yourself up and hiding yourself away.

Please stop putting off dating until you lose the weight, achieve career success, or feel good enough.

Please stop waiting to be ready.

Create your readiness instead.

Develop the skillsets to be a better partner.

Put yourself out there even if you don’t know what will happen in the next moment.

Gather up all of your courage to…
Keep trusting in love.
Keep believing in love.
Keep taking actions towards love.

Your heart will become braver.

Your heart will become stronger.

Your heart will finally find that other heart
…that’ll make it even braver and stronger than before
…as they beat as one, together.

Love is possible for you.
…but it requires you to keep being courageous even when it's the scariest.

Love will find you.
…and all you've gone through will be well worth it.

So you can say “I'm happily in a relationship now.”

 

Cheers to finding the love you've always wanted.

 

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Btw, the featured photo is by Cottonbro via pexels

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About the author

Kat Nieh is a dating clarity coach bringing more fun, trust, and openness back into dating. She helps single working professionals go on their last first date and find their soulmate app-free.

She has also published 3 books, is a best selling author, and has been featured on tv, podcasts, and media publications as a love expert.

Get her freebie "Find Your Soulmate Fast" here!

Kat Nieh is a dating clarity coach bringing more fun, trust, and openness back into dating. She helps single working professionals go on their last first date
and find their soulmate app-free.

She has also published 3 books, is a best selling author, and has been featured on tv, podcasts, and media publications as a love expert.

Get her freebie
"Find Your Soulmate Fast" here!

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