Time has evolved and tested the foundation of relationships over and over again. They are no longer merely arrangements for financial gain and procreation of the next generation. Plus, the pandemic was like a gauntlet to test the durability and resiliency of your relationships.
People come together in relationships for love, deeper connections of companionship, and seeking spiritual, mental, and emotional support.
Compared to the past, people now have more options and less stigma to stay together or part ways. Marriage isn’t always “til death do us part” anymore but “til we choose divorce”. Relationships aren’t always monogamous, nor only between a “man” and a “woman” anymore. The modern family structure nowadays isn’t as simple as it used to be.
With all these complexities in life and in relationships, how do you build something that lasts?
Build a conscious relationship with your partner.
What is a conscious relationship?
A conscious relationship is cocreated purposefully with intention. Instead of being defined by societal or cultural expectations, it is based off of the individual needs and wants of the two people coming together to create this relationship.
If you’re in the relationship just to satisfy your own personal needs or heal your own wounds, it might work for a short period of time, but eventually, the relationship will unravel or feel unsatisfying because you didn’t cocreate a joint purpose as a couple beyond the traditional get-married, have-kids, and have-a-companion.
Your purpose together must have more depth to withstand the changes in life and the evolution of both individuals with time.
The creation of a conscious relationship contains two core elements:
1 – Openness and transparency
It requires clarity and intentional choice from both sides to know and share:
- what kind of relationship you want
- how you love + want to be loved
- where your boundaries are
- what are your nonnegotiables
- what are your needs, wants, and triggers
This takes ownership of who you are and responsibility for what kind of relationship you want to create.
This can take some time and a lot of self reflection. That's why I created my guided journal Love Vision Clarity with numerous conversational prompts to help you think through all the various aspects of a relationship and life. By taking the time to answer those questions, you'll develop a clear holistic view of who + what you want in a relationship. You can even do this process with your partner, too!
Of course, the more you know and have all of this defined, the easier it would be to communicate this with your partner. Yes, the ultimate goal is to communicate and have multiple conversations with your partner about all these various topics. It’s also important to discuss things when they evolve and change over time, too.
These conversations might not be easy, but the results will be highly rewarding. You don’t know how your partner will react or what their stance on things will be, but it’s best to lay all of this on the table than assume and hope that they’re in alignment.
2 – Commitment to growth
You will change. Your partner will change. Change is inevitable.
So it’s important that both of you are committed to growing together as individuals and as a couple. You’re going forth in the same life direction as a team side by side in alignment. You can have different career goals, and the aligned life direction and foundation you’ve built as a team could accommodate and adapt to varying goals and unexpected changes in life.
Oftentimes, relationships fall apart because couples aren’t communicating and growing together in the same direction or similar pace.
When you grow together, the purpose of the relationship becomes greater than personal gratification. It’s not about who’s right or wrong, but how you two can resolve deeper issues together and move towards betterment as a whole.
The quality of the relationship isn’t based on how many or few arguments you have, but actually on how well you navigate through them. Arguments or blowups might not even happen because miscommunication and disagreements are preemptively handled, resolved efficiently, and addressed at their core.
Through growth together, you will deepen your understanding of each other as well. Growth can be a hard and lonely journey, but being able to go through that process together and rely on each other in moments of hardship will also strengthen your connection.
Strive for a conscious relationship
You can achieve so much more together than you can ever alone. You can build an unshakeable foundation through the conscious relationship you've cocreated. You can develop a safe space together that’ll help you feel more secure, create deeper trust, and share a stronger love connection that'll endure through whatever life throws at you.
Cheers to cocreating a conscious relationship with your partner!
P.S. There's more to this …if you're interested. Click here to read about my personal behind-the-scenes story that led to this post.
Psst, the featured photo is by Meruyert Gonullu via pexels