Owning your desires is essential to your wellbeing


Living intentionally


April 20 2023

On a day-to-day basis, we tell ourselves what we need to do and should do, and guilt ourselves with what we couldn’t or would’ve done if we had more time, money, or energy. (Anyone else feels stressed out with a mere glance of your to-do list?)

  • What percentage of your day are you following what you truly want to do?
  • How often are you talking yourself out of what you want to do to focus on what you “should” instead?
  • What desires have you been justifying to put off to a later time due to whatever xyz reasons?

Following your desires doesn’t mean you have to make this HUGE DRAMATIC change. It can be done by making small intentional actions every single day⏤no matter how tiny of an action you take, even if it’s just a thought. And if you DID make that huge dramatic change, your dream life still requires you to make those continual, small intentional actions to manifest your desires into your reality.

Need an example? I'll happily share my story with you.

So… I blew up my life

Well, I was one of those people who believed that’s what I had to do… and ACTUALLY DID IT! So I quit my job, traveled the world to all 7 continents, absorbed endless content from courses and books, went on spiritual retreats, and did A LOT of soul searching after I completely uprooted my life. I broke my foundation into pieces multiple times just to figure out how to rebuild in a way to create and sustain the dream life I’ve always wanted.

My journey started off being a burnt-out workaholic in the tech industry. I thought I was doing everything I should be doing: following what society, culture, and family all wanted me to do by working hard and obtaining success. But when it came down to it, I was working so hard to build a life that I couldn’t even enjoy because I revolved my entire life around my job.

I’ll admit that it was thrilling at first as I loved what I did, but after years of burnout and the company no longer being the place that brought me joy, I lost my purpose and drive. I felt like a zombie dragging myself through life⏤completely disconnected from myself. I was facing feelings of despair, discouragement, resentment, and just feeling off track in life.

I gave that place my heart, blood, sweat, tears, and soul. Then it all disappeared when I signed away a single sheet of paper that ended my employment there. I traded my high paying tech job for a massive sense of uncertainty. Afterwards, I felt more lost because I didn’t know who I was anymore without my job title as my identity.

Going against what others normally did, I purposely didn’t line up another position because I wanted to figure out what would make me truly happy in life. And that journey led me to being in a Parisian flat writing out more than 80 desires until 3am!

Months after that evening, I started doing as many of the things I could on that list. I was checking desires off that list⏤like a mad woman, one after another.

And… it… made… me… feel… SO… ALIVE!

Honestly, it became a bit addicting. I kept seeking that next adrenaline or dopamine hit just to feel good.

…but those moments of joy were short lived

I thought it was making these big changes or taking dramatic actions that were making me happy. But in reality, the joy was short-lived because, in the long run, that wasn’t sustainable at all.

I had to find out WHY those desires made me happy and what about them felt enjoyable to determine how I could feel fulfilled in the longer term.

And that’s when it dawned on me that it’s more about infusing the practice of honoring my desires in small intentional ways⏤on a regular basis⏤that truly makes the difference.

Shortcut your own journey with these steps

Boy, did I do tons of trial and error! Luckily, you could benefit from what I went through, so you could shorten your own journey. (Btw, these tips can sound quite simple, but it's through repetition that you get your desired results.)

Owning your desires by doing the following:

1 – Declare your desires

That’s pretty obvious, right? You have to know what your desire is before you can make it your reality. For example, think of your desire as a destination. You can’t even call an Uber or set your GPS without deciding where you want to go first, right?

Plus, there’s something powerful about clearly and confidently declaring your desires, especially when you pair it with writing them down. That is the first form of transforming your desire from a little thought in your head and manifesting it into the physical realm.

And, remember to use this opportunity to understand WHY that particular desire is important to you! Knowing your why will help you fuel your motivation to make it happen. It’ll also help you figure out and discover what are some other desires that could fulfill you in a similar way.

That is exactly why I was writing my desires into the wee hours of the morning in Paris because when I finally gave myself the permission to dream my desires came through me like a floodgate.

My desires were all waiting to show me how much life has to offer.

Notice how you feel when you think about that desire as you’re writing it down. Your feelings are powerful gauges into your own truth and internal wellbeing. If a desire feels right to you, your feelings will let you know. You’ll feel inspired and motivated to make it happen.

And THAT is the vibration that’ll pull you closer and closer energetically to manifesting your desires!

However, if you don’t feel good, it seems like an obligation, or you sense resistance, that’s a sign for you to reflect on why you’re feeling that way. Please be aware that it’s not an instant “no”. It’s just worth an exploration to find out what your feelings are trying to tell you.

Remember, it is never too late to start⏤no matter how big your desire is. Write them down. Share with loved ones. Go ahead and shout them out on the rooftops if you want to. Own your desires by clearly declaring what it is that you want. Do whatever you need to do to turn that thought into something tangible for you to take action on.

“You can literally script any life that you desire, and the Universe will deliver to you the people, places, and events just as you decide them to be. For you are the creator of your own experience—you have only to decide it and allow it to be.” ⎯ Esther Hicks

2 – Let go of your fears + doubts

The most common obstacle standing in your way of owning your desires is your own limiting beliefs and the stories you tell yourself about why you can’t have what you want.

If you keep saying “no” to your desires, where are you going to find the motivation to make them happen, right? No one can fight for your desires, except for yourself. Only YOU can make your desires a reality.

Honestly, most desires are ecological and for the betterment of you and the people around you. Because desires not only help you feel good but also uplift you and help you thrive. So if you have any doubts about whether your desire is safe to act upon, that’s a good hint to evaluate the why behind your desire, understand how achieving that desire would better your life, and also determine if you can fulfill that why in other manners as well.

Just because you’ve continuously done things the same way doesn’t mean they’re right. Your small intentional actions will spark changes in your life. It could get a little uncomfortable when you break those old patterns but know that those small changes you make greatly impact your future and, more importantly, your overall happiness and well-being.

Here’s a quick little example that I commonly hear from my dating clients: For example, one client frustratedly blurted this out to me: “I can’t find what I’m looking for because all the good ones are taken.” and ”What I’m looking for isn’t possible, so why bother?” When she says things like that, it’s like she’s putting on a blindfold. Even if her best possible partner stood right in front of her, she wouldn’t be able to see or notice that person anyways. She would look past him, or she’d find all sorts of little things that must be wrong with that person before even getting to know him. That is what your limiting beliefs and stories are doing to you. They hinder or blind you from even seeing the possibilities.

So instead of feeding your limiting beliefs, this is the belief I want you to have instead: What you desire is possible, and it IS meant for you.

You were given your desires for a reason. They are meant to inspire you, make you come alive, and create more fulfillment in your life.

Desires fuel your soul.

Once you let go of the hold your limiting beliefs, fears, and doubts have over you, that is when you’ll become more open to owning your desires and manifesting them into your reality. Embrace what’s possible for you as your desires are waiting for you to fulfill them!

3 – Take action

I want you to transform your desire into a goal. Make plans for it. Put it on your calendar. Turn fulfilling your desires into your priority. Think of this as a form of self care by doing what makes you feel good.

I want you to power your desires with your intentionality, because desires need to be focused on and cultivated, too. Avoid letting your desires fizzle away into nothingness. Instead, I want you to feed your desires with your energy and attention. Because, when you do, you’ll notice how your life, self esteem, and mood start to change.

In case you need to hear this, YOU have the permission and are mandated to honor your desires. Your happiness and fulfillment depend on it. Feed your desires to your heart and soul. They’re a core part of truly living life to the fullest and your overall well-being.

Take those small intentional actions every day, even if it’s just a thought. Those small intentional actions of honoring your desires will snowball into something greater.

You might think that those big dramatic changes can force a reset quickly, but ultimately you’re still bringing the same you into those new situations. Oftentimes, it can feel jarring and overwhelming. Plus, you'd be juggling lots of big changes all at once and scrambling to fix things quickly.

On the other hand, when you're taking small intentional actions on a regular basis, it'll feel more manageable and sustainable. You'd have the time to put in more conscious, thoughtful effort, too. All that leads to more lasting change and making sure you're setting a strong foundation to build upon.

So, yes, you need to do something about your desires. Take those small intentional actions every day toward what you want. Remember to feed your desires with your energy and attention to manifest that goal and life that you’ve always wanted.

“Find something that makes you happy and fixate on it. That is the answer to all things. It’s the answer to getting everything that you want.” ⎯ Esther Hicks

Now here’s the moment of truth, what are you choosing to do next?

As you read this, your desires surfaced in your mind. Are you going to let those desires fizzle into nothingness again?

Start small. Write it down. Talk to someone about it. Choose the tiniest desire you could fulfill for yourself at this very moment.

Do it (or even imagine it) just to observe how that desire makes you feel. Cherish those little moments of joy that surface. Turn that into continual fuel for taking those small intentional actions on a regular basis. Then notice how giving life to your desires improves your overall well-being.


Cheers to owning your desires and savoring the joy they bring.

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P.S. This Paper Plane was inspired by my chapter “Own your desire” in the #1 best-selling book “Owning it”⏤a powerful, human glimpse into the stories of 14 women on a path of taking full responsibility for themselves and the lives they are living. I truly believe that this book has the potential to make a positive impact in the lives of its readers, so get your own copy here.

P.P.S. If you would like some guidance on owning your relationship desires, I’m here to help. Message me via the contact form in the footer.

Psst, the featured photo is by Ihsan Adityawarman via pexels

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About the author

Kat Nieh is a dating clarity coach bringing more fun, trust, and openness back into dating. She helps single working professionals go on their last first date and find their soulmate app-free.

She has also published 3 books, is a best selling author, and has been featured on tv, podcasts, and media publications as a love expert.

Get her freebie "Find Your Soulmate Fast" here!

Kat Nieh is a dating clarity coach bringing more fun, trust, and openness back into dating. She helps single working professionals go on their last first date
and make those hard conversations easier.

She has also published 3 books, is a best selling author, and has been featured on tv, podcasts, and media publications as a love expert.

Get her freebie
"Find Your Soulmate Fast" here!

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