“Oh, god. This is so uncomfortable…”
The “shameless” promoting of my guided journal to people I knew, didn’t know, and would never meet made me want to hide in the corner and go “please don't hate me”.
Self publishing my first book on Amazon all on my own was a big, big deal for me. I was so used to being behind the scenes⏤unseen, unnoticed. Putting myself out there in those ways felt as if I was standing naked in a crowded plaza.
Not only was I trying to figure out and implement all the logistics as I went, but I was also battling the voices in my head screaming:
“OMG, what are you doing? Don’t post that!”
“Who the hell do you think you are? No one cares about what you’re doing.”
“No one is going to help you, and much less no one is going to buy your book… even if it’s free.”
“You’re bombarding people with your shameless posts. No one wants to see that.”
…and many, many more.
But I had to believe in myself, believe in what I’m sharing is so valuable that I want more eyes on it, and believe that this is what I needed to do to get the word out.
My own beliefs had to be stronger than my fears
I had to shove those little judgmental voices aside and just go for it. Take action. Show up. Just freaking do the work regardless of what others think, feel, and say.
I had to go “Fuck it! I’m scared, and I’m doing it anyways!”
…and what I got in return was not what I expected at all
I had friends and acquaintances cheer me on, telling me they were impressed with and inspired by what I was doing. People were sharing my posts, and commenting on how beautiful they are. Others had downloaded and bought my book. I had numerous amazing reviews written on Amazon. I got feedback from people saying how helpful the journaling process was for them. I even had two people who personally reached out telling me that they manifested dates soon after going through the guided journal and who actually align with their love vision.
So all those little voices in my head… weren’t… right?
Well, maybe there were people who were saying and feeling like that, but I was not experiencing that AT ALL. What I got was glowing, heartfelt support that kept me going.
Going through the growth process seriously felt like shit!
I was freaking out about all the things I had to do that scared the shit out of me. I was judging myself harshly for not doing all the right things or doing better. My mind kept focusing on the gap and what I should’ve done more of. There were so many unknowns. The silence and the lack of responses at times felt like big fat no’s.
So when my friend Nicole said that to me, I laughed so hard. I completely understood that sentiment, because that’s exactly how I felt.
Then she followed up with this:
*Oomph* Wow, that message landed deep in my heart. I did a deep exhale, then kept on wadding through all the discomfort.
Growth is uncomfortable
You have to grow out of your old shell. Shed layers of yourself that no longer serve you. You have to become someone else better to get and have what you want in life.
That whole process SUCKS. Think of a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. Think of a snake shedding its skin. Think of what you had to go through to master a skill you now do with ease.
What you want is on the other side of that discomfort. And when you finally get your reward, doesn’t it feel oh-so-sweet?
Growth is also endless
Whether you like it or not, you’re constantly growing and evolving. You are never stagnant. If you don’t intentionally set where your growth is, life will determine where on your behalf. And when that happens, you can only hope that you’ll like where it landed you.
So instead of gambling in that way, choose where you grow. Intend and work towards what you want…even if it feels like shit.
The endlessness of it means you’re alive.
Declare what you want and go for it
I decided that feeling like shit is better than sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else have what I want. Be tired of moping around and playing the victim. Make a stand for yourself and believe that what you want is possible. You never know what kind of support you’d find to keep you going, even in those moments of fear, doubt, and the unknown.
If you feel like no one else understands, I’m here to tell you and prove to you that you are so wrong! There ARE people who absolutely understand where you’re at and are willing to give you a hand and pull you up. If that seems improbable at the moment, change where you’re looking.
And now, I’m proud of what I’ve done
I am in awe of myself and what I have achieved. I am proud of how I showed up even in all the discomfort and shitty growth moments. I’m grateful for them because of all the lessons I’ve gained. I am better than who I was when I started this journey when the guided journal was just an idea floating around in my head.
Sure, it could’ve been better, and at the same time, it could’ve been worse. Because of all the actions I took, I am where I am now. I am not only an award winning author, but I was just told that I’m also a best selling one, too! My book reached #2 in the category of Love & Romance on Amazon!
…and this is only the beginning of so much more
I know there’s more awesomeness to come for me.
It took me a long time and a lot of internal work to build the mental and emotional foundation I have now. You cannot ever compare apples to apples with someone else’s journey as we each have our own path and our own divine timing of things.
Patience and self compassion were two necessary qualities I had to begrudgingly embrace and completely surrender to improve my mental and emotional state. I also had to hone my resilience and determination to push through the tough times, even when I didn’t feel like it.
Being in business for yourself is one of the great personal growth journeys you can take as it will make you face all your fears and insecurities over and over again. So buckle up and get ready for the bumpy ride!
If you know anyone who might need to hear this message, please share this with them. We could all use some encouragement and inspiration at times to believe in something more for ourselves.
Courageously step towards what you desire because what you get will absolutely be worth it.
Psst, the featured photo is by Tengyart via Unsplash.