Best way to figure out who you are?

“You will learn a lot about yourself if you stretch in the direction of goodness, of bigness, of kindness, of forgiveness, of emotional bravery.”
—Cheryl Strayed

Growth doesn’t always feel like growth when it’s happening.

Sometimes it feels like silence, like not saying the thing you really want to say just to prove a point.

Sometimes it feels like vulnerability, like choosing not to shut down when it’d be easier to keep your guard up.

Sometimes it’s oh-so-messy, like crying over something you thought you were “already over.”

Sometimes it's pausing just long enough to admit, “I don't know what I'm doing… but I’m trying.”

It doesn't have to be a grand transformation or the perfect reaction. It's often just a stretch in directions you haven't expected.

Stretch in the direction of who you want to become

In the process of becoming a better version of yourself, you often step outside of your comfort zone in the directions of:

Being the better or bigger person in a difficult situation, even when it would feel justified not to be.
Extending kindness to others when it isn’t requested, returned, or “earned.”
Forgiving others (and yourself) for blame, shame, guilt, or mistakes you wish you’d handled differently.
Allowing yourself to feel your emotions instead of avoiding, minimizing, or rushing past them, especially when it means facing parts of yourself you’d rather not look at yet.

No, none of these things are easy.

Yah, they do require more patience, more courage, and more emotional honesty than most of us are taught to practice.

More importantly, they often ask you to put your ego aside, loosen your grip on being right, and tolerate uncertainty without immediate reassurance.

And the truth is, when you’re in it, you don’t always know if you’re making the “right” choice. Sometimes, it feels like you just happened to choose the hardest one.

BUT those moments matter.

Those are the moments you find out who you truly are

You start to learn what you truly value, no matter what others think, say, or do.

It's not what you “say” you value, but what your behavior consistently points to, time over time. Because your values are reflected in your actions, especially when no one is watching and there’s no external reward for doing the harder thing.

Whether you’re aware of them or not, your values are always shaping how you make decisions, how you treat people, and how you respond under pressure.

When you take the time to understand what you value (and why) you gain something important: choice.

You can keep operating the way you always have. OR… you can question the values you’ve been living from, and intentionally adjust them so your decisions moving forward are more aligned with the person you’re trying to become.

THAT is the real stretch—the stretch that helps you become who you've always wanted to be.

Here's how to take it to the next step

When you're in those stretching moments, there are some another questions worth asking:

Can you extend kindness to yourself, too?
Can you acknowledge the effort it takes to show up differently—without immediately criticizing yourself for not doing it perfectly?
Can you recognize that growth isn’t about instant change, but about repeated, conscious choices?
Does it matter enough to you—becoming who you want to be—to move past hesitation and actually take the necessary steps, even when it feels uncomfortable?

Only you know the answers to that.

YOUR TURN!!

Can you think of a time when you needed to stretch yourself “in the direction of goodness, of bigness, of kindness, of forgiveness, of emotional bravery”? How did it feel? What was the result of that? How did that encourage you to continue stretching yourself?

What's one small step you can take today that'll stretch you towards who you want to become?

Now, drop everything you’re doing at this moment, and go… get… that… DONE!