From chance to choice: A practical guide to manifesting love


Conscious coupling


October 25 2023

Have you ever felt like you're stuck in a dating loop, repeating the same patterns and having the same ol' conversations over and over again, going nowhere?

Do you keep attracting the same kind of people knowing deep down they aren’t a great fit long term?

Are you tired of being alone and feel like it’s easier to spot Waldo in the crowd than finding your person?

Sure, you've mastered other areas of your life. You’ve done well in your career. Your social life and hobbies keep you enjoyably entertained. You feel like you’re in a good place in your life, but when it comes to love? Yikes, don’t you feel like a wallflower at a school dance? You awkwardly take a few steps side to side while you admire everyone on the dance floor happily dancing with someone else.

You've googled for answers, been on and off dating apps, tried all sorts of dating and relationship advice, and maybe even sought professional advice. Now, you're wondering if perhaps manifesting—a concept you've maybe heard about or even toyed with—could be the missing piece to finding the partner of your dreams.

This is often the mental space people occupy before they’re ready and open to trying something more woo. You’ve done everything else, and that hasn’t worked, so why not this? Take a stab at this manifesting love thing and see what happens.

So what is “manifesting” and how does it work?

Manifestation isn't just some New Age jargon. You are manifesting things ALL THE TIME, regardless if you’re aware of it or not. It’s simply the act of bringing something into your life. And instead of waiting for something to happen by chance, you can intentionally manifest what you want into your reality.

Sure, skeptics will say it's pseudoscience, but science itself acknowledges the power of focused thought, like the placebo effect. Quantum physics has proven that everything at its fundamental level is made of energy and is all interconnected.* Bruce Lipton and Joe Dispenza, who are both doctors and globally recognized thought leaders, have shown how our thoughts have a tangible impact on our physical world. Even psychology, neuroscience, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) all have countless studies showing that positive thinking and focused intention can significantly impact your outcome.

Manifesting is not this make-a-wish-with-a-genie shortcut where you can magically summon a million dollars overnight with no effort when you’re penniless. It's actually a collaborative process (aka cocreation) with the Universe (or whatever you call your Higher Source). Manifestation actually brings you in alignment with your purpose and potential.

At its core, manifesting is the practice of focusing your thoughts, feelings, and actions to intentionally create a specific outcome in your life. As you are doing this intentional practice, you are fundamentally transforming what you believe and think is possible for you. It’s blending together the law of attraction WITH strategic action. It's not just about wishful thinking and reciting affirmations you don’t believe in. You are changing your status quo to become a better energetic match to magnetize your desires into your life.

What can you manifest?

Well, it depends on what you want. Some people manifest career opportunities, better health, or even material possessions. Others aim for more intangible things that are meant to be felt, like inner peace, happiness, or, in your case, a fulfilling relationship. The sky’s the limit… to an extent. While you can use manifestation as a tool for many aspects of your life, it's essential to remember that you can't control other people's free will or manifest things that are inherently harmful or inauthentic to you.

Let’s get clear here: On your search for lasting love, what you’re manifesting isn’t the person. You can’t force someone to love you. Even if that person does love you, that doesn’t guarantee the dream relationship you’ve always wanted.

What you’re manifesting here is actually the quality of the relationship you’re looking for. When you focus on the quality of the relationship, you’re not hyperfocused on finding the perfect match or getting distracted by superficial qualities that only look good on paper. You’ll be more willing to do what it takes to cocreate that dream relationship, rather than settle for less or bail when things feel hard. You’ll understand that it’s an ongoing process rather than assume and expect perfection upfront.

Here’s another benefit to this approach: You’ll be less likely to get obsessed over a person and accept poor behavior. You’ll be more aware of and focus on the values and qualities that truly matter in building a long term relationship. Cheers to letting go of poor matches faster!

Steps to manifest your dream relationship

Now with all that groundwork laid out, let’s dive into the steps of manifesting the love you’ve always wanted. FYI, applying these manifestation principles can be both insightful and deeply rewarding, too.

Step 1 – Get clear on who + what you want

Clarity is your starting point. When you are not clear, it’s like walking into a restaurant, vaguely asking for “food”, and then getting mad at the server for giving you something you didn’t want (or even worse what you hate). The clearer you are, the faster you’ll manifest (aka get) what you want.

So take the time to sift through the haze of societal norms and family expectations. Nail down what you truly desire at your core—not what you've been told to want or feel like you should. Think beyond superficial traits and delve into values, life goals, and emotional compatibility. The more specific you can be, the clearer your “order” is placed with the Universe.

Step 2 – Declare your desires

Transform those nebulous thoughts into something with more substance. Declare your intentions in a way that feels good and safe for you—write them down in a journal, speak them out loud to yourself or a trusted, supportive person, or even create a vision board for your dream relationship. Articulating your desires makes them more tangible and real, which sets the stage for you to take action. Don’t leave love up to chance. Clearly (and excitedly) let the Universe know what is it that you need and want in a relationship to feel happy, loved, and fulfilled.

Putting it out there is like inputting the destination on a GPS. It allows the Universe to coordinate the route to what you want.

Btw, declaring your desires also includes writing them your dating profile and clearly stating them on dates. Be upfront with what you want and need in a relationship to avoid wasting time with those who don’t align. Nope, you won’t scare off the right person by being direct. They’ll actually appreciate it and go “Finally! Here’s someone who wants what I want, too!”

Step 3 – Identify the actions to take

Love won't just fall into your lap because you desire it. I know, manifesting can feel like magic at times, but when you peek behind the curtains, it's really an energetic blend of intention and actions.

You have to move your car to get to your destination, right? Just because you input the destination into your GPS, you won’t magically teleport there. So yes, you have to take action—consistently and intentionally.

But what kind of actions, Kat?

Take the actions that allow you to become an energetic match to what you want. Knowing what you want is one thing, but becoming a magnet for it is another. Be proactive in bettering yourself and putting yourself in situations where you could meet someone who aligns with your desires. Attend social gatherings, pursue hobbies, or even get a little out of your comfort zone. Just like investing in your career or hobbies, put in the time and energy into becoming a person your ideal partner would be drawn to, too.

When in doubt about what actions to take, keep your intention in mind. Then be open to the signs, nudges, or opportunities that unexpectedly show up. Think of those as the voice prompts from your GPS telling you where to go next.

Step 4 – Tweak as you go

Use your results as feedback to tweak your approach. Instead of getting mad or frustrated, learn from your results and use them to your advantage. Think of them as data points and merely a reflection of your current manifestation skill level. Get curious and have fun experimenting with the process.

Plus, you’ll never have all the answers when you first start off, so be open to changes and things happening in ways you haven't even considered.

Roadblocks could show up. Construction will cause delays. There might even be unexpected traffic. Your path could be a straight shot or have some twists and turns depending on the route. So avoid comparing your journey with others because what you’re looking for, who you are, what you've gone through, and your present road conditions are all different.

Plus, as you have gathered more dating experiences and growing as a person, your preferences or focus might change, too.

Be okay (and patient) with that “recalculating, recalculating” voice prompt when it pops up.

Tip – It’s ok to ask for help

It's not only okay but also wise to seek guidance and support. Look, the Egyptian pyramids weren't built in a day, and they weren't built alone either. It took tons of planning and intentional execution to create something that stands the test of time and the elements of life. Avoid shying away from seeking guidance or asking for another perspective. When you’re in the thick of things, it could be hard to see another approach. You don’t know what’s in your blind spot either.

Fortunately, you have support, and sometimes the Universe will send you what you need through other people, too. I’m also here to as a resource on your journey as well.


Scroll back up to the steps above and consider which step(s) you could improve upon. Think of each step as a foundational piece that builds upon each other and makes the following step easier and more effective.

There’s nothing wrong with going back to the basics and reevaluating whether you truly have clarity in who and what you want in a relationship. And if you’d like some support there, I have a guided journal that has plenty of helpful prompts to help you gain clarity in the various aspects of a relationship. (Psst, they’re also excellent conversational prompts you can use on dates, too.)

If you’re here reading this, then you’re not like the masses looking for any person to be in a relationship with you. You’re looking for a relationship that is meaningful and one that’ll thrive through life’s ups and downs. And it all starts with you believing in what you want is possible.

Manifesting your dream relationship can be one of the most soul-stretching journeys you'll embark upon. And as you know, that journey is absolutely worth it when you have your ideal partner by your side enjoying the dream relationship you’ve always wanted.


Cheers to successfully manifesting love!


*P.S. Want your mind blown by more quantum physics nerdiness? Google the observer effect of the double-slit experiment and quantum entanglement.

Psst, the featured photo is by streetwindy via pexels

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About the author

Kat Nieh is a dating clarity coach bringing more fun, trust, and openness back into dating. She helps single working professionals go on their last first date and find their soulmate app-free.

She has also published 3 books, is a best selling author, and has been featured on tv, podcasts, and media publications as a love expert.

Get her freebie "Find Your Soulmate Fast" here!

Kat Nieh is a dating clarity coach bringing more fun, trust, and openness back into dating. She helps single working professionals go on their last first date
and make those hard conversations easier.

She has also published 3 books, is a best selling author, and has been featured on tv, podcasts, and media publications as a love expert.

Get her freebie
"Find Your Soulmate Fast" here!

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