The TV Trap... aka how NOT to communicate in love

Shaking my fists, frustrated at the tv…
“OMG! THIIISSS is how we've picked up such horrible communication skills in relationships!!”

I was getting so frustrated with these dialogues on this tv show!

Each conversation just created more tension and confusion…
“Just freaking tell her what’s on your mind! Stop dancing around what you want to say, and juuussstt SAY IT!!”

People raising their voices, yelling at each other trying to make a point…
“C’mon now… has yelling ever solved any problems? Oh, no. Well, now there’s no going back from what you just blurted out.”

Someone walking away in frustration, giving up.
“Nooooo… Don’t turn your back on him! Please turn around! That’s not what you really want.”

I don’t know what about this particular show just got me so fired up.

And that’s when it dawned on me…

“Are people assuming THIS is the “norm” or that it's “ok” to communicate like this?!”

We weren’t trained in how to communicate effectively in relationships growing up, and now Hollywood makes things even worse by constantly showing us these ineffective conversations!

Ugh!! That's not ok!!

These overly dramatized conversations are great for tv shows to create tension and keep you on the edge of your seat, but it’s unconsciously teaching you that this is how to communicate when a disagreement occurs.

You’re not intentionally taught this, but it’s through these repeated mental impressions over, and over, and over again that you’re unconsciously programming your brain to believe that this is ok or the appropriate way to handle the situation.

And if this also resembles what you’ve seen other adults in your life communicate, then that just strengthens this “norm” and acceptability of these ineffective communication methods.

Open and honest communication is like a lifeline in any relationship.

It's more than just talking.

It's about connecting and understanding each other at a deeper level.

Now, how often is THAT reinforced on tv?

If simply watching tv can do this, have you considered what else you’ve unconsciously adopted from others or have been highly influenced by them?

What if those strategies weren’t the best approach?

What if those beliefs have been steering you wrong?

What if your opinions or preferences aren’t truly yours?

What if a good chunk of what you believe, think, and behave has been highly influenced by others?

As a child, that’s how you learn.

As you become a teen and young adult, that’s your opportunity to break out from the old patterns of your upbringing. You’re meant to experience and experiment to discover what you truly want and need.

But this is also the time when you’re still highly impressionable, especially by peer pressure and wanting to find belonging.

Instead of stepping into who you are, you might play small to fit in or make peace and not cause trouble.

As you mature into an adult, you are meant to solidify and step further into who you’re truly meant to be.

But when your life is constantly on the go, being busy, handling all the obligations from work and life, when do you actually take the time for yourself to reflect and learn the nuances of who you are?

If you feel lost in love (and in life), I’m not surprised.

This is your chance to do it differently.

Change your love life and dating trajectory be taking the time to understand yourself, your relationship needs and wants, and what kind of relationship you want.

Don't let the status quo or what is commonly acceptable be YOUR definition of what you accept or what you desire. You have the ability to define what all of that looks like for you.

Then communicate that openly and transparently, so that you can connect with your date at a deeper level and build a better understanding with partner.

If you want some help getting started, get my guided journal to reveal your deepest desires and needs, so that you are steps closer to having them fulfilled.