It seems like playing mind games and dating now go hand in hand. People want to appear more desirable or create more intrigue, so they play hard to get. People don't want to seem desperate, so they set x amount of time before responding.
Sure, the psychology behind these things does “work”, but are they really working how you want them to? Are you attracting high quality dates by playing hard to get?
The answer is “no” and here are 5 reasons why:
1 – You have to keep up the challenge to make it work
So you’re making them feel like you’re not readily available to them, so they’d “want you more”, but what happens after they “get” you?
That chase and challenge are gone. So for them to stay interested, you have to create the next game for them to play.
Isn’t that exhausting to keep that up?
This dynamic meant they were only interested in you because of the game playing, not because of who you are.
A high quality partner wants to get to who you are at your core. Playing mind games turns them off.
2 – It creates scarcity but not high value
When you create that “I’m busy living my life to talk to you” scarcity, it makes that person feel like they have to fight with your other priorities for your time.
So what does this say about your readiness to be in a relationship? It says that you’re not ready or a relationship isn’t really a priority for you.
This mind game makes them feel like they don’t matter.
A high quality partner will lose interest in you, and would rather engage with someone else who is willing to spend the time and effort to get to know each other. They want to feel like they matter.
3 – It creates false mystery and intrigue
Yes, curiosity fuels attraction, but make them curious about the things that actually matter! Cultivating false intrigue just attracts the wrong people⏤those who are addicted to this type of drama.
A high quality partner wants to be safe, heard, and understood in the relationship.
When you are genuinely interested in what’s going on in their life, their mind, and their interests, you cultivate better quality intrigue that’s based on what matters versus superficial nothingness that doesn’t matter in the long run.
4 – You're getting the wrong people to prove their worth to you
When you're selective, it means you know what you deserve and won't settle for less.
Sure, this mind game gets people to step up and show you why you should choose them. But if they have to convince you in this manner, then they haven't proven themselves as a high quality partner through what you know about them already and by how they show up as an individual.
You know if someone is a high quality partner by how they show up regularly, regardless if you're there or not. They're not putting up their best versions of themselves only when you're around.
A high quality partner won't need you to validate their own self worth because both you and they know what they'll bring to the table as a desirable partner you'd want to be in a relationship with.
5 – You're protecting your vulnerability in the wrong way
People often play this game because they’re scared of getting hurt. But by putting up this facade, you’re just perpetuating the problem.
Those who play this game with you are carrying same or greater levels of hurt, and most likely, not willing to heal and improve themselves to become a better partner. Plus, game playing just encourages more game playing.
The way you protect your vulnerability is to build more trust and confidence in yourself that you know you can handle whatever comes your way.
A high quality partner wants to know you can be vulnerable with them, so they can be vulnerable with you. That continual trust in each other is what builds a deeper relationship that’ll last.
With the rise of these mind games, dating has become less genuine and more toxic.
People are more on guard, and even more of them are frustrated with the dating process. Hurt people hurt others by playing these games and hyping up the drama, which people confuse with passion, chemistry, or attraction.
If you want a high quality partner, be a high quality partner yourself.
Toss out these mind games. If you want to go on your last first date, choose to show up genuinely and walk away from those who play games as their norm.
Cheers to creating a genuine connection without mind games.
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Btw, the featured photo is by Dmitriy Ganin via pexels
