seeking perfection

Redefining perfection


Conscious coupling


May 27 2022

As a recovering perfectionist and people pleaser, I wanted to get things done “right” to make the “right” impression on others. As I continue to work on myself and expand my business, I’ve learned that it’s more about taking action and putting myself out there versus doing the right thing perfectly. 

Referring to the concept of being “The Lean Startup” (a book I recommend written by Eric Ries) and producing an MVP (minimal viable product), it’s about launching your product ASAP to start getting feedback rather than waiting to create the perfect product that you’ve envisioned. Getting it done is better than being perfect. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t try my very best to deliver as close as to what I’ve envisioned by my deadline, just with fewer bells and whistles.

Perfection is just an excuse

Perfection turns into waiting. Perfection becomes the excuse not to put yourself out there. It is an elusive state as things never stay “perfect”. That state of perfection lasts for a split second because, in the next moment, you’ll find that one little thing to make it better. Your definition of perfection might not even be what is wanted nor appreciated. You could be doing all this extra work without the equivalent return on investment. 

So why do we constantly chase perfection? Because we’ve been told as kids to not make mistakes or do anything wrong. Making mistakes have turned into something to be avoided at all cost. You’re doing it to make a certain impression and prove yourself to others versus focusing on the value and impact you can make through sharing what you’ve created.

Let’s embrace making mistakes

It’s time to change that. The focus shouldn’t be on avoiding mistakes, but actually on how to learn from them. Mistakes are just learning opportunities. What could we do differently next time to make it better? It’s better to take imperfect action rather than inaction.

Now, let me bring this back to dating. Have you ever put some sort of condition in place before you can give yourself permission to date? For example, have you wanted to be more financially established or more accomplished first? Desired to be skinnier, fitter, or more stylish before going out on dates? Yes, I get making a good impression first or upping your chances of being noticed or seen. However, you’re putting your love life on hold for a non-existent perfect state.

What if getting out there allows you to practice your conversational skills or dating etiquette? What if you attracted someone who likes you just as you are? Aren't those alternative goals better than waiting for that perfect state to happen first?

It’s more about getting yourself out there than hiding behind your excuses and comfort zone.

Everything is just feedback

This is a phrase I’ve learned through NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) and embraced as one of my own life philosophies. When I started seeing experiences in my life just as feedback, it felt less stressful. I shed this massive weight off my shoulder to be perfect and get things right. Instead, it turned into curiosity and a fun little game of “what could I learn from this?”

The learning could be positive proof to keep doing what you’re doing, or it could be an “oops, let’s try something different next time.” Take any judgment away. Focus on the value that the experience has brought you. Learn from it.

Practice dating. Try different things to see how it feels to you. Experiment showing up in different ways. Through all this feedback, you can learn more about yourself, discover what you do and don’t want, and up your chances of meeting someone special.

So go out there, normalize taking action for the sake of getting feedback, and experiment with life. Discard being or acting perfect. Focus on being completely yourself and taking continual action towards your goals.


Embrace everything just as feedback.

thoughtfullykat signature logo


P.S. There's more to this …if you're interested. Click here to read about my personal behind-the-scenes story that led to this post.


Psst, the featured photo is by Anna Rye via pexels

About the author

Kat Nieh is a dating clarity coach who empowers singles and those in the early stages of dating with the clarity and confidence to build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship.

She has also published 3 books, is a best selling author, and has been featured on tv and media publications as a love expert.

P.S. Enjoying my content and looking for my newsletter? 
Join my Paper Plane inbox delivery service to get my latest posts, along with updates + event invitations, delivered straight into your inbox.

JOIN the delivery route